It’s another day of classes as I wake up to follow my usual routine; get dressed, do my hair, eat breakfast, drive to the commuter lot, get on the bus to campus, and check my social media. There it was, an endless row of new relationship statuses and marriage announcements. I begin to think, “Wow how cute, 100 likes? Damn I wonder how many I would get…Why aren’t I in a cute relationship, fall is arriving for pumpkin patch dates, ugh!” but then I stopped myself, and reminded myself that being single is pretty cool.
Wedding season has arrived, and the start of many new relationships because somehow summer has left us and it’s time to cuddle up. In our generation it’s almost looked downed upon to be single, because something has to be wrong with you! You mean I’ve been single my three years so far? There must be something wrong with me and I am definitely almost to my expiration date with graduation getting close because of course I will never find a husband by then.
What’s everyone in such a big rush for? Why is being in a relationship define someones worth? As the permanent third wheel for the past three years I am absolutely content in the place I stand. Although it has been mostly my choice, and somewhat partial due to some things that ended up going nowhere, singleness is all I know. What’s a serious relationship, because I sure as hell have zero clue what one is, and you know what? THAT IS OKAY. I have truly lived a happy three years and have learned things and found myself in ways I wish a lot of my friends could. Nobody talks about the things you gain in being single and it’s time someone did.
I believe college is one of the most crucial times of someones life, and in college I have learned more about myself then I ever did in high school. I have found out so many things about myself I never knew. I have interest in things I didn’t know I liked, met people who have changed me in so many cool ways, and not that you can’t do this while being in a healthy relationship, but there is definitely a difference when you are all on your own to explore the world in this new chapter of your life.
What I deserve
In being single I have definitely figured out the very fine definition of what I deserve. Too often I see people because they’ve been dating someone since high school, or right off the bat into college they automatically let whatever type of relationship they have define what should be accepted in a relationship. It’s like couples begin to have a grey area on what is respect between the two and there isn’t. There is a very black and white on what is wrong and right. I deserve the utmost respect and nothing else. If you can’t guarantee that in our relationship, then there is no relationship. Relationships aren’t meant to be perfect and I’m not ignorant to that, studies have even proven fighting is a healthy part of relationship but don’t confuse what’s okay and wrong simply because you’re so “in love”.
I will not settle
This is my favorite one of all because it’s sad how often I hear people say, “Well what if I just never find anyone else, if I like this person, and I mean, I like hanging out with them, why not just be together?” REALLLLYYY. The fact that anyone can remotely convinces themselves of this, blows. my. mind. There are millions upon millions of human beings on this earth, and people are actually settling for someone they “guess” they like. JUST in case they have the risk of never finding anyone else? Just because you’ve only had one boyfriend and suddenly it hits you that you might be alone if you two break up, you stick out because you’ve been together this long anyways, right? If it’s failing, it should be over, WHY WOULD YOU SETTLE? I absolutely refuse to settle just for the mere fact of being in a relationship and fear of “ending up alone”. Believe me, it’d be cool to have someone around that’s like my person and all, but, I would never just force myself to believe I’m okay with being with the first guy who looks at me that I KIND OF like or staying with the same guy because might as well right? We’ve come this far? If the spark is gone, and I semi remotely feel that I’m over it, then it is over. Maybe I’m a hopeless romantic, but if I don’t like you a lot, see this being long-term, you’re gonna meet the parents type of feelings I’m not wasting my time on you.
There is nothing more annoying then the girl who can’t function without her boyfriend, or the guy who can’t take a step without his girlfriend approving it. Or let’s not forget our favorite type of people; the ones who bounce from person to person, because they can’t fathom the thought of being SINGLE. Is that even in their vocabulary? Life is too short to spend your whole life owing someone an explanation to everything you do. I can’t stand seeing people who don’t know how to spend a Friday night watching Netflix and stuffing your face…alone. I have learned to enjoy me time. Sometimes you really just need that alone time to read a book, eat a large pizza, reflect on life, etc, so people who hate the idea of being alone and can’t stand being alone I just don’t understand. There is beauty in being able to do things on your own without anyone else. I can’t wait to walk into a relationship and be able to still be independent. The thought that I will have someone to do things with, and spend time with but at the same time knowing I am capable of doing things alone too, sounds pretty comforting.
This is probably one of the most important things our generation is lacking. I truly believe people forget that loving yourself before you love someone else is crucial. How can all your time and energy go into loving another person and not love yourself before that. There is only one you, you only have one life to live and you should learn to love yourself. I can’t emphasize that enough. There will always be things that I don’t like about myself, and I will always have insecurities but in the end in my maturity and being single, I have learned the beauty in loving myself. Loving yourself will only influence the way you handle a relationship, and being in a healthy one. Something a lot of people seem to add a lot of grey instead of seeing black and white on what is a healthy relationship and what isn’t.
Too often people forget the importance of being single and what you gain from it. I am not anti dating. I don’t think every person who has been in committed relationships has failed at life, that’s not the case at all. I do know couples who are absolutely #goals, and if I had the right person around I would commit too. I haven’t found my person yet and that’s okay! I’ve been lucky that in not having found my person, I have had a completely different college experience so far in the focus being on me and only me. I think it’s been an absolute blessing to be single and I hope all other people in my shoes, think the same.